


Pickup lines

by AvengersCompound (emilyevanston)



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Bad Flirting, Bad Pick-Up Lines, Bad Puns, Drinking, F/M, Fluff, Happy Steve Bingo, Humor, Oral Sex, Pick-Up Lines, Smut, Vaginal Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-12
Updated: 2018-11-12
Packaged: 2019-08-22 21:54:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16606130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emilyevanston/pseuds/AvengersCompound
Summary: You think it’s funny to use terrible pickup lines on Steve.  Lucky for you, he’s already a sure thing.For my #Happy Steve Bingo card.  The Prompt was ‘Bad Flirting’.  Thanks to everyone who sent me the terrible pickup lines.





	Pickup lines

“Do you have a mirror in your pocket?” You asked sidling up to Steve at the bar.  He looked at you with his head tilted to the side and a confused puppy dog expression on his face.

“What? No.  Nat might have one.  Why what’s wrong?” He asked.

“Nothing, I just can see myself in your pants.”

Bucky snorted beside him and covered his mouth so he didn’t spot beer everywhere while Steve flushed pink.

“That was so bad.  Good god, woman.” Sam laughed.

“Yeah.  I know but Steve hasn’t heard any of them.  It’s kind of amazing.”  You said.  “Hey Steve, if we are what we eat you can be me by the morning.”

Steve chuckled.  “Whatever happened to just asking to buy someone a drink?”

“Oh sure.  Do you like cocktails? I can give you an orgasm.”  You said, making Sam roar with laughter but Steve just blinked at you confused.

“That’s the name of a drink, Steve.” You said.

“It is not!” He argued.

You got up and kissed him on the cheek.  “Yeah, it is.  I’ll make you one.”

“Right here in front of us? That’s pretty kinky.” Bucky teased as you moved to the other side of the bar.

You winked at Bucky and started mixing Steve his drink.  “It seems a little wrong to be going straight to the orgasm though.  I should be starting with a blow job.”

“That is not also a drink!”  Steve said sounding askance.

“It most certainly is!  How dare you doubt me!  I take these things very seriously!”  You teased.

“Okay, sweetheart.  Whatever you say.”  Steve sighed, though the smile on his face showed that he was really enjoying this.

You finished mixing the drink and sidled back to the counter.  “Can you give me some directions?”  You asked as you slid the drink over to him.  “Because I seem to have gotten lost in your eyes.”

“Oh smooth.”  Sam teased even as the blush returned to Steve’s cheeks.  “I’ve got a good one for Steve.  Hey, Steve, did it hurt?”

“When he fell from heaven?”  You asked.

Sam laughed.  “No, when he jumped out of the top floor of that building and slammed in the ground because he’s a fucking idiot.”

You and Bucky burst out laughing and Steve shook his head.  “Right.  Should have seen that coming.”  He said.

“Maybe, you can see me coming if you like.”  You teased making everyone roar with laughter.  You moved back around the bar and Steve wrapped his arm around your waist, pulling you against his side.  “Are you a light switch?”  You asked.  “Because I’d love to turn you on.”

“I wouldn’t worry about that too much.”  Steve teased.

You hopped up in his lap and wriggled a little.  “I was thinking about asking if you had any ideas of things we can do, but maybe I should stay here and wait for something to pop up.”

“Oooh…”  Sam catcalled.  “These aren’t so much pickup lines as sex puns now.”

“Okay, so what about… you must be a triangle because you’re acute.”  You said.

“I think that’s quite obtuse,”  Bucky said.  You raised your hand and he slapped it with his.

“How about… if you were a vegetable, you’d be a cute-cumber.”  You said tapping Steve on the tip of his nose.

“I think you should go back to the dirty ones,”  Sam said with a roll of his eyes.

“Don’t listen to him, they’re sweet,”  Steve said.

“They’re totally corny,”  Bucky said.

“Alright, alright, one more dirty one and then I’m stopping.”  You said.  “How about you be an iceberg and I’ll be the Titanic and I’ll go down on you?”

All three men laughed.  “Oh god,”  Steve said, shaking his head.  “Alright.  I have one.”

You looked at him and grinned.  “Oh, go on.”

He blushed again and his fingers drew circles on your thigh.  “Do you have any Irish in you?”  He asked.  “If not, would you like some?”

“I would.”  You teased.

He patted your thigh and brought his lips to your ear.  “Then let’s go.”

You jumped up off of Steve’s lap.  “Have nice night boys.  I’m sure going to.”  You said giving them the finger guns.

“Gross, I didn’t need to be witness to that.”  Bucky teased.

“Have fun you two,”  Sam added.

“We sure will!”  You called back.

When you got to the elevator, Steve wrapped his arms around your waist and pushed you back against the wall.  “Well, well, well,”  He said, in his very best ‘you’re grounded’ voice.  “You’ve been writing a lot of checks tonight.  Gonna pay up?”

“You know I’m good for it.”  You purred, kissing his neck slowly.

He made a deep rumble in his chest and leaned down, capturing your lips.  The elevator stopped and he scooped you up into his arms without breaking the kiss.  He carried you to your room and kicked the door closed behind him before setting you back on your feet.

“Now, who was going down on who again?”  He asked.

You sank to your knees in front of him and unfastened his fly.  His hands went to your hair as you nuzzled at his crotch.  Each flick of your tongue up his shaft made his cock harden more.  Until it stood straight and twitched like he was aching for more.  You took the end into your mouth and sucked on it.  He groaned and his hands opened and closed in your hair like he was torn between trying to take control and give over all control to you.

You dropped your head lower, taking more of him deeper into your mouth before pulling back and dropping down further still.  Steve’s hips began to roll against you.  Never forcing him too far down your throat, but adding to your own movements.  You rolled your tongue and used it to massage his shaft.  Each movement from each of you made Steve groan and the salty tang of his precome leaked from his cock onto your tongue making you moan as well.

His hips snapped back, making his cock fall from your mouth with a pop and you almost fall forward into him.

“I believe it might be my turn to eat.”  He teased.

He helped you back to your feet and the two of you stripped off your clothes as you made your way to the bed.  When you were completely naked except for your socks, Steve picked you up and tossed you on the bed, before climbing up between your legs.  The way he looked as he stalked up between them was like a hungry lion coming in for the kill.

He went straight for your pussy, placing a large open-mouthed kiss on it and swirling his tongue over your labia. You spread your legs wider and put your feet on his shoulders.  A smile spread over his face even as his tongue flicked out a random pattern over your clit.  “Enjoying yourself down there?”  You asked.

“Mm-hmm…”  He hummed and sucked your clit into his mouth.  It sent a jolt through you, making you moan.  Your hand moved to his hair automatically and you tugged on it.

The pleasant warmth spread through your body, radiating out from your cunt and making your skin prickle.  Steve pushed his middle finger inside of you and when he touched your g-spot you bucked up under him as a strong jolted passed through you.  He focused his fingers on that spot, curling and stroking his fingers over your g-spot. Calling your orgasm to him.

It crashed down on you and passed through you like a wave.  Your whole body shuddering with it as you cried out in ecstasy.

Steve lapped you through it and crawled up between your legs.  “Man, my flirting is so on point,”  You joked as he began teasing the head of his cock up and down your folds.

“Oh yes, that’s exactly how we got here.”  He said, smiling broadly and bringing his lips to yours.  As the two of you kiss he entered you.  Pushing in just as far as you could take it before bottoming out.

He began to roll his hips, pushing himself up so that the base of his cock rubbed against your clit with every thrust.   You moaned against his lips and clung to him, your fingers digging into his shoulders.

The sounds of your moans mingled together as sweat coated your bodies and you moved together.  A second orgasm hit you and then a third.  Your body arched back and Steve’s mouth moved from your lips to your throat.  His teeth grazed over your skin and he thrust slow and deep.  When your fourth orgasm crashed through you it dragged Steve over with you, and he spilled inside of you, his cock pulsing as it emptied.

He slipped from within you and collapsed on his back.  You curled into his side resting your head on his chest.  As the two of you lay panting, coming down from your orgasm highs you ran your fingers in circles on his chest.  “Hey, Steve?”  You said.

He looked down at you suspiciously.  “Yes?”

You smirked up at him and quirked an eyebrow.  “Do you come here often?”

Steve shook his head and broke down into laughter.


End file.
